My Current State

I know its been a while since I’ve posted, and that I promised I would get on a writing schedule so I would post more frequently, and for the one person that knows that, I’m sorry. This past week has been extremely difficult for me.

AJ left for Bahrain on Tuesday, and honestly I’m falling apart. I was of the belief that because I’ve done this before, it would be a little easier, but its even harder this time, and I’m not sure why. The littlest things make me breakdown and bawl my eyes out, for example, I was looking for a belt and I found the one I had last worn while AJ was here and went to put it on, before I could do so it needed to be readjusted (it’s a seat-belt belt) because he was playing with it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and ended up crying over it. So yeah, I’m a huge mess now. I’m actually considering going to the chaplain to talk to him (or her) about it, despite the fact that they don’t have a pagan/wiccan chaplain.

I was also really looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with him since I knew he would be gone for Christmas, our anniversary, New Years, and Valentine’s Day. Now that he’s gone, I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself over these holidays and how I’m going to keep myself from simply falling to pieces. What makes it even more difficult is that I don’t have much in the way of friends and family around here, and what I really need now is a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold me.

Since I’m transferring to my command this week, I’m hoping I will be able to find some distraction, and I’m planning to keep myself as busy as possible. Once I transfer I’m going to begin a regular workout schedule and also begin working on my training and PQS on the job as much as possible. Not really sure what else I can do to keep myself distracted, but I’m going to work on it. Maybe I’ll begin writing more, and researching and reading about all the religious aspects and interest me as well.

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3 Responses to “My Current State”

  1. I wish your heart well during this time! When I first met my SO I had to go back to Chicago for break for 3 months and thought I would lose my mind as well. If you ever need to talk, even though we don’t know each other past our blogs, feel free to leave me a message!

    I hope all is well for the both of you! ::hugs::

  2. {{hugs}} I am new to your site, linked from Domestic Witch, but I can SO identify with what you are feeling.
    I would encourage you to talk to the chaplain, or someone. I did when my Wolf deployed, and even though I am unsure of my beliefs at all, the Padre was just a good, logical listener with some good advice. The spiritual aspects never really entered our conversation at all. He knew the resources available to me, and helped me think things through a bit. He also continued to check up on me, and made sure I was doing OK.
    And go ahead and cry when you need to. I find it easier to cry, get it out, and then “suck it up” and get on with my day. If I try to fight them, they are always there, stalking me.
    Take care of you.

  3. Also, are you aware of this book? Faith and Magick in the Armed Forces: A Handbook for Pagans in the Military, by Stefani E Barner.

    “Many issues that face Pagan military members and their families are explored in depth-practicing their faith, relocation, overseas deployment, preparing for combat, returning as veterans, working for peace. Religious freedoms, legal issues, and rights are clarified, and resources for help are given. Faith and Magic in the Armed Forces offers knowledgeable advice, helpful rituals and meditations designed specifically for the military experience, and candid interviews with Pagan servicepersons and their loved ones.” from the publisher

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