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Stress, stress, stress… and sadness

Posted in Deployment, Marriage, Navy, Separation with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2009 by aedd

This holiday season has been an incredibly hard time for me.  Mostly because AJ has been gone, not only for all the holidays, but also for our first anniversary, which was yesterday, but for other reasons as well.

For one, I transferred to a new command.  With that comes another problem, when I moved into the barracks I was told that I should move out ASAP since I’m married I’m not actually entitled to having a barracks room.  Once I checked in with PSD, I was told that I didn’t need to route a chit, that I simply needed to bring in a copy of my lease and the form stating that I had check out of the barracks.  So I return to PSD, both in hand, and I’m told that because my husband is military as well, I do have to route a chit, and unless the barracks are full, I will most likely be denied.  Previously it didn’t matter if I was married mil-to-mil, simply that I’m married, and now it does.  And I’ve already gone through the trouble of finding an apartment and gIetting everything ready to move in!!  I even moved out of the barracks, so I no longer have a place to live until I get moved in, but I can’t afford to have the apartment without getting BAH.  So I’m kinda stuck… Thanks PSD and CBH, thanks for all the ‘help’.

All that happened the day I went on leave for Christmas/New Years.  Talk about unneeded stress added to an already stressful holiday season.  If the people who were there to help had the same information, maybe they wouldn’t have problems like this.  Of course, this is the nave we’re talking about.

AJ is due back sometime in March, and I’m really looking forward to it.  Unfortunately, I’m set to deploy in July/August, and they will be going to Bremerton, Wa for 16 months of maintenance, then changing home ports to Everett, Washington for at least 3 years.  What that boils down to is: On our 2nd anniversary, we will have spend less than a year’s worth of time together, plus we’ll be stationed 1300 miles for at least 2 or 3 years.  So for the next 4 years I’m just going to have to keep telling myself “I love my husband, I love my husband, I love my husband.”

Oh did I mention I didn’t even get to talk to him on our anniversary?

Sigh.

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Text Fiasco

Posted in Communication, Separation with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2009 by aedd

Today I learned an important lesson: never assume.  Of course, I’ve ‘learned’ this lesson many times in the past, but this refresher was a lovely kick in the ass.

First thing I do every morning is check my phone.  My husband is two hours behind me, and I’m on a night schedule whereas he is on a day schedule, so often I have messages from early in the morning.  This morning’s read: “Baby i gotta tell you something or its gonna kill me… Promise you wont get mad”.

Everything possible went through my mind, from Captain’s Mast (which is non-judicial punishment, basically, you go to the captain if you do something that can’t be resolved by the lower part of your chain of command) to him no longer loving me and/or cheating on me.  I even thought he was going to tell me the guy he hangs out with is a girl.  Come to think of it, I’m not actually sure ‘he’ is a guy.

I frantically began texting my husband everything I could think of to get his attention.  Honestly, I was totally freaked out.  I got in the shower and cried, over a text that told me absolutely nothing!

I kept trying to convince myself that it was nothing major, but I’m one of those who never listens to advice, especially my own.  I shot down everything it could possibly, and still worried about every one of them.  I even worried he was going to tell me he was dead… dumb, right?

Shortly before I left for PT, I finally got another text back, this one read: “Oh sorry. In class… Didnt have phone on… Was just gonna tell you sonic is better than whataburger”.  Basically, I cried over fast food. Fast food that wasn’t even mine.

At first I was furious at him, then myself.  The embarrassment came shortly after that.  I freaked over fast food… *facepalm*

I did learn a valuable lesson about communication and not assuming the worst though.  Of course, next time around, I’ll probably have forgotten all about it.  I hope not though.

The best part though, and something I love about my marriage.  After all my freaking out, and my husband getting upset at the idea that I even thought he would cheat on me, we ended up having an amazing conversation, and telling each other (in icky sweet words lol) how much we love each other.

Even after an argument, those conversations always put a dopey grin on my face.

In the Navy

Posted in Deployment, Marriage, Separation with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 10, 2009 by aedd

Frequently I hear that being a Navy wife is the hardest job in the Navy, so how about combining being a Navy wife and being a sailor? That’s gotta be twice, if not three times as hard as just being married to a sailor.  Not only do you have his deployments that separate you, you have yours as well.  You’re always worried about his safety, in port, underway, or even in training, not because you know its a dangerous job, but because you actually know the dangers of the job.

My husband and I met just out of boot camp during the beginning phase of training for our rate (or job in the Navy).  We dated three months, and during that time, he asked me to marry him. While on Christmas leave, we had a small wedding ceremony on the beach in California.

Upon returning to base, we went back to the way life was prior to our wedding, living in  the barracks (in separate rooms of course), seeing one another as much as possible, yet not nearly enough, going to school, and using the weekends to spend as much time together as possible. Hardly the way a married couple’s life together should be.

After several months, he completed his training in Illinois, and received orders to San Diego. He left mid-April, and reported to his ship, the USS Nimitz.  We spent as much time as possible texting and taking on the phone, and if he could, on the internet chatting.

In May, he went underway for the first time. It was a real test for both of us because we couldn’t talk as much. We spent hours on the phone the day the left port, until reception was lost. I cried myself to sleep that night, know something would happen to keep me from talking to him. The next day I received a message on my phone from him, and from then on, when possible we ‘texted’ back and forth through his shipboard email address. Occasionally he would have the chance to get on Facebook and we’d IM one another through the IM client on the site.

Once I got a call from him from the shipboard phones, another time, I was in school and missed a call from him. When I got the voicemail I almost cried.  His ship came in close enough for his cell phone to get signal one day during the middle of the month they spent underway, and once again we talked until they lost reception.  This continued until they came back.

Luckily in the time he was underway, I had finished my training. While waiting to detach, I took leave the day his ship returned for a week and flew to San Diego to see him.  I was so happy to see him it was unreal.  We spent the majority of my leave in our hotel room, just enjoying each other’s company.

Soon it was time for me to leave, and say goodbye once again. I returned to Illinois, and detached shortly after I got back.  My order’s sent me to San Diego, so my husband picked me up from the airport, another amazing reunion.  We spent as much time as possible together between his ship and my school, but the time together ended quickly.

His orders had him in Florida for 3 months starting in July.  He left the day after my birthday, I dropped him off at the airport and wished him a tearful goodbye.  Once again, we’re back to text messaging, calling when possible, and using the internet to chat from time to time.

He is due to return early October, but his ship is on deployment, so instead of spending time together, he will have a short time here before getting flown out to his ship.  Our time together, and apart, has taught me to cherish every moment we have together, because each is precious, and we don’t always know when the next one will be.